In this video Greg talks about this brutally difficult feeling of not knowing why you are so lonely. It's hard just knowing that something is making it hard for people to like you or want to hang out with you. Sometimes you need to stick up for yourself and for what you believe in, which is what I had done a few weeks ago. And I guess that is what Greg had done too. But for some reason we were dragged down in the dirt for it. People didn't speak up about it, they just disappeared. When I felt like I had done what I thought was right, they probably thought something else. But I hate not speaking up when something is wrong. It's not easy going against your friends and their believes. But sometimes you've just got to be true to yourself.
And here is the feeling of it all. Emptiness. And hate. You can't function without your friends and loved ones. You feel disgusted wth yourself, but you don't know why. And you start questioning everything.
And there is that part about relationships. When something goes wrong and you end up looking like an insane person. The only difference is that most of us don't film it and post it up on YouTube. But I am so happy that Greg did this because it made me realize that I am not the only one who has these crazy moments. Those moments where I wonder if I'll ever stop obsessing and be okay again. But it is just like he says. If you get into a relationship in the wrong way from the beginning, then this is what ends up happening. And it's so stupid because it would make perfect sense to just say "You know what, this person is really bad for me, let's move on with life". But how can you move on when you miss them SO much? So much that you even consider contacting them to say you're sorry and take back everything that you said, even though you deep down inside stand for every single word.
In whatever situation you may be in, you always end up questioning yourself. Maybe that is the point though? Maybe the point is to break down those walls you have built around your heart to protect yourself and start to realize that YOU may be the problem? I guess this has both a good side and a really bad one. It's good to learn from your mistakes and be aware of who you are as a person, but this thought can turn into self loading. Which it did for me a couple of weeks ago. I honestly asked one of my best friends "Am I the one who is fucked up? Seriously. I must be an insane, psychopathic person to act like this.". She told me that it was nonsense but I didn't let go of that thought for some time.
Am I an addict? I don't like those moments when I am being called "desperate" by some people just because I want someone to love, who loves me back. And when I don't go for every guy I like, then I am suddenly "picky". Well yeah. Of course I am. How could you not be picky about finding someone to spend at least a couple of years with? Why would you just throw yourself into something that probably won't last more than a month? Do you know how many heartbreaks that is in a year?
"I don't want to be one of those people who only looks at the positives and forgets all of the negative, when the negative is so overwhelming. As long as I remember, I won't go back." - Onision
